30 January 2023
1. Lost
I am so lost over everything. Really. I have no goal, I don't have idea what I want to achieve. Am I just zero or am I totally lost? Surviving semester 1 is quite I dont what to say. It's like I am just being here. Days and nights. Im just here. I don't know life anymore. I don't really care about grades, people's perception, I totally dont give a f0ck about anything. I don't know what is happening to me. I have so much fun. I have friends, good at doing my assignments, good with my own, good with Wawa. Even there is single inconvenient, I dont really care about it. Is it a good thing? Or a bad thing?
I need to do good to feel good.
2. Sarawak
Study afar indeed have me hardest time to keep myself sane. I can't feel any connection. The soul connection unless it's my family. I want to hug my mom, I want to kiss my mother's shirt, I want bend my head over her body. I want my mother. Mom is everything. I love my mom. Of course I love my circle here but it never can compare to my mom's love. I miss my home, my truly home. Nanti sampai rumah aku mau record video mamaku banyak2 supaya aku rindu dia.
3. Something is wrong with me?
I used to get comfortable to tell Wawa everything, but now. I feel like second guess to tell her any. I am that annoying kid, right? Ion burden her for what I feel. I feel so much detach from some people I don't know why. There are certain individuals I can feel the same vibe anymore. Am I adulting? Idk. I easily get annoyed when I received their notifs. I feel so wrong tho. Aku mengeluh ba bila aku dorg text aku :(((( WHYYY
4. Messy
I am totally miserable tho. I can not do any good. I am totally a mess now. I cant even wake up early, I am sleepy 24/7, my decaying focus span, all is miserable and I dont have idea how I want to manage all of these. It's like I don't have someone to tell me to? To the point I am okay with my results being bad :(((( WHY I AM LIKE THIS. Do I need to tell people about this? Do I need to seek advice? I am so used to handle everything on my own. Since this uni life, im getting dependant. Semua benda aku moharap orang.
5. Romance
I always tell myself that it's too early to find jodoh or whatever. I feel like relationship will bring me ti no good. Kelak ku disuruh bagi benda2 sik baik paraiiiii. Ku sik mauk burok2kan my worth for some uncertain mfs. S indeed a mess too.
Banyak lagi thoughts aku sebenarnya tapi aku mau sambung study esok ada exam ethics :> nanti kalau aku ingat aku sambung.
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