1. Theres are so many wrong being me
Why I can not easily get friends. Why I feel so hard to keep friends. Why I can't be friends with high valued people. Why I can't be rapat with J*****. Why is he so untouchable. Why I can not embrace the awkwardness. Why I am so detach with everything. Why I do not know many things. Why I am not good in sports. Why I am so weak. Why I am not brave. Why I am struggling with finance. Why I am not good at skincare. Why I do not care.
I want to
- have high valued friends/networking
- know J*****
- beat my awkwardness
- know stuffs
- organized
- exercise more
- brave for driving
- talk to people
- know how engage with audience
- good finance management
- learn skincare
- get to know ahli pesakma better
- get to know more experienced people
- fluent in sarawak
Oh wait, I wanna share about the HRD presentation. I can not story well but yea imma try. Lets say i was the one of the group carrier, like my part is quite long. It is a training program(we do roleplay). I felt so embarassing right after the presentation. It is fking awkward. But so far I still can handle it. To compare myself with others, I can say I am so mid. I can do presentation but I can not do those audience engagement. Oh Lord, sampai macam ni sekali affect aku punya trust issues dengan orang sampai aku sumpah ndatau macamana mau attract audience. Sure I have a lot of ideas but I am myself buat kerja last minit. Take it too easy, too confident, idk. Before presentation I was like, em senang ja ni. BUT NO. I DO NOT FEEL ACCOMPLISHED ENOUGH. Like there so much lacking in the presentation.
How do I know? the audience started to play their phone. my pronouncation/vocabulary is quite bad, I can not see people's eyes. I was not being authentic. Lord I wanna deep talk with someone mature so much.
I feel like want to update my LinkedIn. This is for now, imma sambung this later. maybe.
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