Kerul... again

 pasal that guy, just now sy call dia tanya pasal kerja and personal. saya sda tanya dia "aside from kerja, dia ada expect any personal expectation?" pastu dia cakap "takda, ak js nak minta tolong kau sbb kau berpengalaman, ak natau siapa lagi aku mo minta tolong, ak js nak pastikan semua berjalan lancar je" 

aku ada bilang since aku mo letak boundaries, macam yg dia cakap he wants me untuk tolong kerja dia thats it. aku bilang kalau meeting, meeting. habis meeting balik. pastu dia cakap "oo takpelah tak kisah pun" istg u r losing me. u are for real losing me. we are not going to lepak unless u said yourself u need a listener. 

so saya ulang soalan tu like 3 kali and he said the same thing. i think thats clearly show who we are. 

kau minta tolong fine aku tolong. kau takda personal expectation fine we create boundaries as friend helping for a friend.

this might be sad, and this is clear for me u literally just being a red flag of me, 

you going to regret this i swear, imma treat u the most member treatment everr

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so im gonna write unsaid letters to him

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woi kimak, ko kalau ko ada perasaan sama aku bagitau la sial, ko clingy2 begitu supaya aku attach sama ko pastu ko berharap aku confess ka sial ko babi pukimak la sial jantan.

hahaha teda ba jahat pula.

ok gini la, i fucking dont know aku betul2 suka ko ka, ini cinta ka apa ka. tapi selama kita kenal setakat ni aku cam ada menaruh harapan ba juga sama kau, like can you consistently ask me, consistently being curious with me bukan sekadar mo buat sweet2 ja ikut suka hati kau, cari aku bila bosan apa semua. sedih sebab ur the first person after a while that makes me feel special and stuffs. tapi tu lah aku nda mau berharap lebih2 kalau ko anggap semua tu as a friend ja. poor me to expect shits from you. I do feel like want to heal inside me to be a better lover tapi ya lah last2 ko just want to see me as a potential professional partner that only used when necessary. 

you dont even try to get to know me personally, how i see people, life, family, works, and everything. you dont ask me how my day was. okay maybe last time u did. but that time i wasnt prepared, and im usually numb of whatever im feeling.

yea there are much sides of me that is miserable. woi setan make senses la aku sombong awal2 sebab aku hati-hati la kimak. ko yang love bomb aku pastu effort pun nda betul2 kimak punya jantan. ko kalau mau aku betul2 cakap mau aku inda boleh gila ko jadi passive, indecisive, ko la yg bilang itu ini. pastu ko harapkan aku yang lead the relationship memang nda la kimak. setan buduh. ya tuhan marah nya aku sama lelaki ni. 

KO KALAU KO MO AKU KO BILANG AKU NDA SUKA BUAT ACTION TAPI NDA VERIFY APA KO BUAT SAMA AKU, AKU PUN BODOH SIAL HUAA AKU MO MARAHHHHH

sudakan masa kita bedua d bilik rehat tu ko mo besweet ele tingu movie sama2, eled tingu tiktok sama2, eleh ambil ak di sakura, eleh belanja aku makan eleh. WOI SIAL ENOUGH WITH THESE MIXED FEELINGS. AKU MO NANGIS SBB AKU RASA KO DID NOT TREAT ME RIGHT U DONT TELL ME ON MY FACE KALAU KO SUKA AKU ATAU KO JUST SEE THIS AS SAKE OF FRIEND SIALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

I WISH YOU MISERABLE IN YOUR LOVE LIFE OR APOLOGIZE TO ME KIMAK